https://www.investmentwriting.com/newsite/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/investmentwriting_logo_2016.png 0 0 Susan Weiner, CFA https://www.investmentwriting.com/newsite/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/investmentwriting_logo_2016.png Susan Weiner, CFA2011-07-15 15:46:012014-09-03 07:54:36Reader challenge: Rewrite this sentence to make it more powerful
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Our firm has 33 years of experience creacting wealty for our investors.
Our firm delivers institutional pricing and wealth management to high net worth individuals.
Our firm has protected families and their wealth for 33 years.
For over a generation we have helped our clients grow their wealth and achieve their financial goals.
For over three decades, we’ve saved millionaires money.
Thank you, everybody! It’s great to see the sentence become stronger.
Investors have trusted (our firm) to manage their wealth for more than three decades.
I like your answers.
You’re increasing the emphasis on the investors and the benefits. That’s the way to go, in my opinion.
We’ve spent the last three decades helping the rich get richer.
The firm has carefully managed the wealth for a select number of affluent families for over three decades.
Independent of previous posts (I hadn’t looked at them) I came up with these two lines:
– 33 years of managing wealth for investors.
– Investors have trusted us to manage their wealth since 1978.
The first is not a sentence, more of a claim. Both cut redundancy (money/wealthy) and emphasise the customer rather than the firm. Very much in line with Charles’s suggestion. I also agree with Jude and Steven that it’s good to say why clients use the firm’s services, e.g. develop and retain wealth, to be free from day-to-day managment hassle …
For 33 years, wealthy investors and their families have trusted [name of firm] to manage their assets and help them make important financial decisions.
We make our clients wealthier and have done so for 33 years.