Reader challenge: Improve this white paper introduction

When your investment white papers’ readers snooze, your company will lose.

Here’s the first paragraph of a white paper that would benefit from a makeover.

WHAT IS ACTIVE SHARE?

Active share is a new measure of active portfolio management. This idea was first introduced by Martijn Cremers and Anti Petajusto, two Yale School of Management Finance professors, in a 2006 academic study titled “how Active is Your Fund Manager? A New Measure That Predicts Performance.” In this analysis, active share is defined as the percentage of the portfolio that differs from its established passive benchmark.

What’s missing from this introduction? What changes do you suggest?I realize you’re operating at a handicap because you can’t see the rest of the piece. Please do your best.

I’ll hold my comments so I don’t squash the conversation. Go to it!